If you read the news, you know the world is going to hell. If you read Buzzfeed news, you also know the world is going to hell. But for different reasons.
Here are the top totally fictitious – but completely possible – news stories for October 18, 2022, from America’s most reliable source of very long headlines written by troubled narcissists.
I Maybe Found The Recipe For Olivia Wilde’s Scandalous Salad Dressing And Now I Want To Throw Myself In Front Of A Bus
Kylie Cosmetics Is Discontinuing These 3 Products And It Feels Like When My Grandma’s Cat Caught Leukemia All Over Again*
Russia Is Bombing Civilian Targets In Ukraine And I Legit Don’t Know What Any Of That Means
Here’s What My Favorite 90s TV Stars’ Tax Returns Look Like Today
Let’s Predict The Date And Time Of Your Death Based On Which Noodles You Like
TikTok’s Favorite Emu Has Bird Flu And I’m Going To Stab Myself With A Rusty Knife Because There’s Really Nothing Good Left In This World
These American Travelers Were Beaten And Left For Dead And Honestly I Feel They Had It Coming
I Literally Can’t Stop Laughing At These 13 Orphaned Animals
127 Things You Must Buy From Amazon Right Now To Reduce Clutter*
*Just so you know, we make money off these links and if you don’t click and buy something I’m probably going to get fired
floreakeats 