Baking, Curmdgeon, Facebook, Food Asshole, Silliness, Things I hate, Things I like

The Summer’s Hottest Trend: Please SHARE and SAVE this post forever

Let’s talk about the summer’s hottest food trends.


What are the contenders? The rediscovery of white wine spritzers as the afternoon  sip of choice in the Hamptons.  The emergence of red quinoa salad as the perfect paleo-friendly, gluten-free lunch on the Vineyard. The hot new Filipino restaurant on Fire Island.

I don’t know anything about any of that stuff. I’ve been stuck in Central Square for the summer.

I can tell you that peeing at the bus stop in front of the 7-Eleven remains as popular as ever. And that the new privacy policy on Facebook requires every user to post at least one potentially lethal recipe each day, accompanied by some version of the following phrase: “REMEMBER to click SHARE, so it will be saved to your timeline FOREVER!”

That last part is very important, because in the future you may find yourself saying: “Every day, I cherish the ‘Likes’ I received from the other Theta Chi Little Sisters for my Tweety Bird tramp stamp.  But I regret losing that recipe for Molly’s Decadent No Bake Fruit Cocktail Casserole.”

As best I can tell there are several requirements for a recipe you will want to SHARE on Facebook and SAVE forever:

1) It includes Cool Whip

2) It requires that you understand how to operate a can opener and/or microwave

3) It does not require baking

4) The secret ingredient is a jar of something Mexican-ish — and mini peanut butter cups

5) You would be proud to serve it to your family and friends for a special celebration such as Easter, Christmas, Thanksgiving, or Canada Day

6) It resembles an animal or a Pixar or Disney character — but you shouldn’t look too closely

7) It should not be consumed by diabetics, children under the age of 7, pregnant women or persons familiar with something called the “glycemic index”

8) It oozes when pulled apart

9) Its name very likely includes one or more of the following words: “Easy” “Dreamy” “Miracle” “Decadent”  “Gooey” “Cheesy” “7 layer” or “Balls”

Here are just a few examples of recipes that are in danger of BEING LOST FOREVER UNLESS YOU SHARE THEM TODAY.

Happy summer.

And please remember to click SHARE so you will save this yummy post to your timeline FOREVER.