You say tomato. You also say marscapone. . . but please stop it!!!!

mascarponeI’m not one of those people who needs to work up a big nose full of phlegm to say kwahhhsahhhhnnnn. In fact, I will admit to sometimes being baffled by the correct pronunciation of French words, so much so that I once ordered a “salad nikwahz” in a French restaurant.

I’m sure there was an extra phlegmy loogie tucked under the tuna when my salad nikwahz arrived.

And I 100% deserved it.

But, I beg you people to learn from my mistake.

Please learn how to pronounce mascarpone.

It is not MAR-sca-pone!

It is MAS-car-pone.

Do you see an R in the first three letters of that word? I’ll answer that. No you do not.

You don’t even need to say MAS-car-pon-AY. Just put the “R” in the right goddamn place.

I don’t know how it could be any simpler.

Also, please do not say “paninis.”

That’s like saying “sandwicheses,” but you may already be doing that.

But because I’m feeling generous, there’s a cultural explanation, and I find it f’ing hilarious, you goombaz can continue saying managoot, gabbagool, and mutzadell.

You’re welcome.