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Archive for March, 2014|Monthly archive page

Academy Award Winning Naps. Or Sleep: I like it. I really, really like it.

In Uncategorized on March 2, 2014 at 10:40 pm

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In honor of tonight’s Oscars, here’s a list of Academy Award winning/nominated films at which I have fallen asleep. I love sleeping at movies.

1. Reds  
1981. 3 Academy Awards including Best Picture
I slept through most of it. I think it was about communism.

2. Lawrence of Arabia
1963. Best Picture
Something about eyeliner and camels, or maybe that was just my dream. I woke up toward the end because I saw it in a theater where people were sometimes shot.

3. The French Lieutenant’s Woman
1981. 5 Academy Award nominations
Some BS about looking sad at the beach and wearing ponchos, I guess. I slept through the entire thing and I am still happy about that.

4. Gandhi
1982. 8 Academy Awards, including Best Picture
It was about Gandhi. I’m sleepy, not stupid.

5. Vanya on 42nd Street
1994. It was never nominated for anything. Nor should it have been.
Man, that was the best 2 hour nap of my life. It was about New Yorkers complaining about acting, I think.

6. Hannah and Her Sisters (Or maybe Crimes and Misdemeanors, same thing)
1987. 3 Academy Awards
Now that I know what I know about Woody Allen, I’m mostly sorry that I spent 7 bucks on it. But I’m not sorry about the sleeping.

7. Hugo
2011. Best picture
People said it was about the magic of movies or some such nonsense. As I remember, there was a kid was in it. And maybe a clock. Or maybe that was my alarm clock. It doesn’t really matter.

8. The Lord of the Rings: The Twin Fellowship of the Very Sleepy
2001 to present. Academy Award for Best Picture and outstanding Elvish sleep product
Jesus Christ, have they found or lost or pawned or done whatever they are supposed to do with that goddamn ring yet? I slept through every minute of every one of those movies, which still haven’t ended because they are 11,000 hours long.

9. The Whales of August
1987. 1 Academy Award nomination
It was about old ladies sitting on a porch. Come on, they have to expect that people are just going to nod off as soon as it starts. I would bet the phrase “nodding off” was part of the pitch for this movie.

10. Raiders of the Lost Ark
1981. 4 Academy Awards
Ok, I was in college and very sleep deprived in 1981. I also had a friend who was a film projectionist, so I went to a lot of movies for free. I feel bad about this one. But in my defense, I was taking a pretty full course load.

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