Helpful, News, Silliness

Food News: Pre-masticated for easy absorption

(NOTE: It’s been a while.)

Much has happened while I’ve been staring out the window at piles of snow that I am sure are mocking me. Here’s everything you need to know from the world of food.

1. Michelle Obama wants to take away your lil fatties’ lunchtime Mountain Dew.
Be a Patriot and feed them an extra at breakfast.

2. Good news: We finally have a new Farm Bill.
Bad news: Its still probably best just not to eat any food.

3. Paula Deen came out of hiding.
She saw her shadow (or maybe a couple) so we will have six more weeks of racist weather.

4. There are now “cronuts.”

They were invented so “idiots” would have a new reason to stand in line.

5. More good news: People are buying fewer groceries from Walmart.

Oops: It’s because they are too poor to eat.

6. A ShakeShack opened in Harvard Square.

This summer it will be a great place to stand in line and talk to people about your love of cronuts.

7. I’ve been trying to learn how to bake bread.

No joke here, just thought you might like to know. It’s going relatively well.  I didn’t care for the sourdough. But the 7-grain recipe where I substituted Uncle Sam cereal and added toasted walnuts was good. The picture is just plain Italian bread. Oh well.


8. Anna’s Taqueria has celebrity burrito rollers.
Apparently that is important news because they send me 6 press releases a week about it.

9. Miley Cyrus is turning into a dog.

First with the tongue all the time, then the humping, and now she’s chewing on strangers’ underwear.

10. Mario Battalli is still Tweeting!!!!