Enough about #Bagelgate already. There are plenty more great things to eat when you’re a busy candidate looking to take a bite out of the Big Apple.
1. Tofurky on pumpernickel with a shmear of nutritional yeast.
2. A Hawaiian slice on cauliflower crust. But I do eat it folded in half and strut like Tony Mother f—ing Manero.
3. One egg cream with oat milk, hold the chocolate. Pamplemousse LaCroix, if you could be so kind.
4. A glass of New York City tap water, room temperatures.
5. One of those pooping yogurts Jamie Lee Curtis used to advertise. Plain with a side of Splenda and an olive.
6. A black and white cookie, no frosting.
7. A dirty Cosmo with a splash of Clamato.