Editor’s Note: This is the first in a series of James-Francoesque interviews I will be conducting with myself when I don’t know what to else to write after a long and uncomfortable silence.
Q: Hey didn’t you used to have a food blog?
A: “Food blog?” That’s very unappealing 2010 kind of word. I think of “food blogs” like CB radio handles: many people once had them but really shouldn’t have. So the answer is no. I never had a “food blog.” Plus, I am 100% capable of making eye contact with people and have actual friends, so please don’t refer to me as a “food blogger.”
Q: You’re avoiding the real question. Didn’t you used to write stuff here about food?
A: If you say so.
Q: Why did you stop writing?
A: Why shouldn’t I? Maybe I was busy. Maybe I was mourning Andy Rooney. Maybe I’ve already written the definitive 100 word missive on foods on a stick and decided there was nothing more to say. Maybe I feared I was turning into just another cupcake-crazed narcissist. Maybe it is all just part of my master plan.
Q: You’re either full of crap or the laziest person on earth.
A: Both, actually.
Q: Do you have any plans to get off your increasingly fat ass and write something new?
A: Possibly. With so much instability in the food world right now — Hostess is bankrupt, Paula Deen’s Crisco levels are out of control — the foodblogosphere is crying out for a voice like mine now more than ever.
Q: I doubt that.
A: Thank you. It is always such a pleasure to talk to myself about myself.