You certainly have noticed there’s a foul orange taint hanging over America right now. Try as you might to ignore it, it keeps coming back. More vile, more puzzling, and more insufferable at each turn. Now way past the point of self-parody, it’s tempting write this whole fiasco off as a bad joke gone on way too long.
But people seem to love it.
And that scares me.
I’m talking, of course about Pumpkin Spice.
My feelings on this orange menace have been well-documented. They go something like this: born in the lowest depths of a New Jersey chemical plant, Pumpkin Spice has nothing do with pumpkin nor pie nor spice. It’s a toxic brew created by some bad, bad hombres and nasty, nasty women high off the fumes at a Yankee Candle specifically to make my August through January unpleasant.
I love a nice pumpkin pie. I just hate empty promises. And for me, there’s nothing but sadness, and a lot of artificial clove, at the bottom of every Pumpkin Spice latte.
But, I’m nothing if not open-minded . . .
As much as I hate things engineered to be warm and comforting, I love my cousin Sarah Parviz. And she loves Pumpkin Spice. Everything about it.
Sarah has not been engineered to be warm or comforting, so I value her opinion a great deal.
Over a few posts, Sarah and I are going to sample the finer products out in Spice World and compare our takes. Although we differ in our views on seasonal flavorings, Sarah and I share a family penchant exaggeration and complaining. So, naturally, we thought everyone would want to share our journey.
Internet, it’s time to meet Sarah. Here she is:
200 years ago Pumpkin Spice would have been the muse of poets, playwrights, and painters. It is a simple combination of spices that at once signals then end of horrible, hot, and oppressive weather and the beginning of the season of people staying home and leaving me alone.
In short, it is heaven.
More than being simply delicious, it is a balm to my summer-hating soul.
I once had an acquaintance tell me “everyone is a poet in the fall.” I like to think it is because of the availability of Pumpkin Spice and the lack of kayakers, but that could be just wishful thinking on my part.
Put on a sweater and get ready to carve something. We’ll start our reviews shortly.