First let me say I’m no bigot.
I love vegetables. They are delicious and healthy and there are very few I won’t eat.
I go to farmers’ markets like 5 days a week in season. I’ve ordered the vegetarian platter at East Coast Grill more than once without feeling buyer’s remorse when an especially nice steak or grilled fish walked past. I’ve happily eaten a bowl of brussels sprouts and sweet potatoes at Red Lentil for breakfast. For crying out loud, some of my best friends are crucifers.
So for me, there’s only one thing that can ruin perfectly nice vegetables: vegans.
I’m not going to drone on too long about all the things that make vegans so vegany — they’re more than capable of doing that themselves.
I’m simply going to ask: Why, oh why, must vegans do things like name your vegan pizzeria “Peace O Pie?” Why not “Bill’s Vegan Pizza” or “Vegan Hut?”
Is it not possible to simply eat a slice of pie heavy on the veggies without a mandatory side order of sanctimony? (That was an entirely rhetorical question. I have met vegans before.)
So as a professional namer and semi-professional wise ass, I ‘ve come to the following conclusion about how vegan pizza became the Nelson Mandela of street food.
When the People’s Committee for Enlightened Eating (they, of course, must approve all things Vegan) met in drum circle to choose the name “Peace O Pie,” they had a vision. The only way to get anyone to swallow the cheese-ish abomination atop vegan pizza is to convince them that they just prevented World War III. (Eat real cheese and you’d better be ready to duck and cover — like, now.) And in the process, the first flat bread eligible for a Nobel Prize was born.
Please note: Gluten free Thursday is suspended at Peace O Pie (487 Cambridge Street, Allston, MA) until further notice. Humor-free Tuesday continues as usual.